Cup of Coffee: July 3, 2024
A DFA, other baseball clocks, AI dystopia, my disappointment with Biden, the New York Times' denial, and how my escape-from-America plan has been complicated
Good morning!
A big name was DFA’d yesterday, the reason for Craig Monroe’s absence was confirmed, and we have a fun guest post which outlines the various other sorts of clocks we should have in baseball besides the pitch clock.
In Other Stuff I bring the bleak once again. Sorry about that, but I gotta call the world as I see it. Specifically, I talk about the latest bit of AI dystopia, my sadness at Joe Biden’s response to the presidential immunity decision, my eye-rolling at the New York Times denial of just how bad that ruling was, my surprise at just how quickly Trump is taking advantage of his power grab, my request to Biden about who he should use his new powers to nuke, and how my escape-from-America plan has been complicated somewhat.
Let’s get sad, everyone.
And That Happened
Here are the scores. Here are the highlights:
Red Sox 8, Marlins 3: Ceddanne Rafaela and Jarren Duran each homered, Rafael Devers singled twice and drove in two runs, and Kutter Crawford gave up three hits and one run over six innings. The Sox success was no doubt tied up in getting to bed early and demonstrating restraint. At least to hear Alex Cora tell it:
“For as much as we like South Beach and hanging out down here, sometimes you’re worried coming from the off day and be sluggish. That wasn’t the case. We had some good at-bats and ran the bases well. And we played some good defense.”
Congrats on not gettin’ all rip-shit at the strip clubs, Red Sox players!
Guardians 7, White Sox 6: Daniel Schneemann and Tyler Freeman hit two-run homers and Bo Naylor hit a pinch-hit walkoff sac fly. That was set up by Andrés Giménez singling, going to second on a groundout, and taking third on a wild pitch. Luis Robert Jr hit a two-run homer and drove in four runs while wearing a White Sox uniform during his audition for other teams in advance of the trade deadline.
Cardinals 7, Pirates 4: Nolan Gorman hit a grand slam, Alec Burleson hit a two-run shot, and Brendan Donovan had an RBI single. Four innings of shutout work from the bullpen helped carry the day.
Mets 7, Nationals 2: Maybe it’s just a me thing but I really hate it when I look at a box score in which one team scores like five or six runs in extra innings. I know the Manfred Man can only count for one run but it all seems tainted by dumb rules. Like some Thursday night Mississippi State vs. Arkansas game that goes to overtime and ends up 56-49 or something. Anyway, Brandon Nimmo came back from that hotel room cut head to drive in two, including one in that tenth inning, Mark Vientos drove him in, and then Pete Alonso hit a two-run shot to remove any doubt as to the outcome. Harrison Bader was pulled from the game following a collision with the wall in right-center field in the fourth. He’s day-to-day.
Reds 5, Yankees 4: Elly De La Cruz tripled and scored and then homered and scored. Which, OK, everyone who homers scores, but you get what I’m saying. Will Benson also homered and, like De La Cruz, it was a two-run shot in the fifth. By then it was 5-0 and, while the Yankees mounted a comeback, complete with yet another Aaron Judge home run, they didn’t come back all the way. Still, Judge had three hits and now leads the major leagues in batting average (.321), homers (32) and RBI (83). The Triple Crown watch is on, babies.
Blue Jays 7, Astros 6: George Springer hit a three-run home run, Spencer Horwitz added a solo homer, and Vladimir Guerrero Jr. went 1-for-3 with a double, a walk and scored twice to help the Jays build a 7-0 lead they almost blew. But they didn’t blow it, actually, and they sent Houston to a rare loss of late.
Giants 5, Atlanta 3: Jorge Soler, LaMonte Wade Jr., and Heliot Ramos all went deep for the Giants, supporting young starter Hayden Birdsong, who pitched five innings of two-run ball to snatch his first big league win. The best part of this game, however, was seeing this from Giants fan Bill Hanstock on Twitter:
In related news, Hayden Birdsong was born 14 years after that song game out, and all of us who laughed at Bill’s little song above already have one foot in the grave.
Twins 5, Tigers 3: Manuel Margot and Carlos Correa each went deep. Byron Buxton doubled to lead off the seventh and then came around to score the go-ahead run. Royce Lewis hit a two-run double but then left the game with groin tightness that he said afterward was worrisome and may keep him out for a while so, welp. That notwithstanding, the Twins moved to a season-high 11 games over .500.
Phillies 6, Cubs 4: Trea Turner homered twice: a 422-foot solo shot in the third and a 439-foot two-run shot in the fifth. He also singled home a run in the seventh, so have yourself a day, Trea. On the mound, Michael Mercado pitched two-hit ball over five innings to pick up his first MLB win. The Phillies have won three of four, the Cubs have lost seven of nine.
Rangers 7, Padres 0: Nate Eovaldi was fantastic, pitching one-hit shutout ball for seven innings while striking out six. Nathaniel Lowe hit a pair of two-run homers and Leody Taveras had a pair of doubles as the Rangers ended an 11-game losing streak to the Padres. Imagine losing 11 games in a row to an erratic, hot mess of a team like the Padres have been for most of the past five years. You figure you’d pick up a couple of wins just by San Diego shooting themselves in the dick here and there, but nah.
Brewers 4, Rockies 3: Talk about an ignominious ending. Willy Adames hit a tying sac fly in the ninth inning and then Rhys Hoskins was hit by a pitch with the bases loaded to score the go-ahead run. The Rockies are a hell of a team. They’re bad, yes, but they’re also a sort of boring and depressing team too. At least the White Sox dazzle you with their off-putting badness. The Rockies just sort of sit there, being bad in the saddest and lamest of ways.
Athletics 7, Angels 5: Lawrence Butler and Brent Rooker each hit homers, Brett Harris added a two-run double, and A’s starter Mitch Spence gave up only one hit and one run while pitching into the sixth. The win cools off the hot-of-late Angels and gives Oakland its second win in nine games.
Orioles 2, Mariners 0: Grayson Rodriguez allowed just two hits while shutting out the M’s into the seventh innings, Anthony Santander drove in the go-ahead run with a fourth-inning RBI single, and Cedric Mullins singled in an insurance run in the seventh. The M’s offense is flailing at the moment, having scored just 15 runs in their last six games.
Rays 5, Royals 1: This one featured a two and a half hour rain delay. It also featured five shutout innings from Zack Littell, a two-run double from Isaac Paredes, and a homer from Brandon Lowe.
Dodgers 6, Diamondbacks 5: A seesaw game with a lot of action in the ninth. Joc Pederson homered in the top of that frame to put Arizona up 5-4, but in the bottom half Freddie Freeman doubled in Will Smith, who had hit a leadoff double, to tie things up. Then Teoscar Hernández singled in Freeman for the walkoff win. Hernánez drove in three of the Dodgers six runs, having doubled in L.A’s first run in the first and then grounding out to plate its second run in the third. Shohei Ohtani homered in the seventh.
The Daily Briefing
Marlins DFA Tim Anderson
The Miami Marlins have designated shortstop Tim Anderson for assignment.
Anderson, 31, has had an awful year, hitting a mere .214/.237/.226 (30 OPS+) in 241 plate appearances across 65 games. He had a pretty horrendous 2023, too, with his OPS — .582 — standing as the absolute worst among all hitters who qualified for the batting title while playing absolutely brutal defense as well, leading to the White Sox declining his $14 million 2024 option. Last February the Marlins signed him to a one-year, $5 million deal, hoping for a bounce back — possibly one good enough to where they could flip him to a contender at the trade deadline — but that obviously hasn’t happened.
If this is the end of the line for Anderson — and it would appear to be — he’ll finish with a career line of .278/.308/.411 (95 OPS+). That sort of hides the fact that he had three or four pretty dang good seasons, including winning the AL batting title in 2019, going to two All-Star Games and winning a Silver Slugger Award, but it likewise speaks to a highly uneven career with a pretty dang abrupt falloff once he hit 30.
Craig Monroe was, in fact, taken off the air because of sexual assault allegations against him
In yesterday’s newsletter I wrote about Craig Monroe’s absence from Tigers broadcasts following allegations that he sexually assaulted a minor back when he was a minor leaguer. Yesterday the Detroit News and other local Detroit outlets confirmed that the allegations were, in fact, the reason Monroe was taken off the air.
I suspect the next time we hear anything from or about Monroe will be if and when criminal charges are filed against him.
Guest Post: Greg Nix of Chortle
I recently purchased a stylish and sophisticated coffee mug. Imagine my surprise when I learned that my new mug came with an opportunity to email a large number of strangers!
I'm cashing in my Cup of Coffee guest post to let you fine folks know about my new humor newsletter called Chortle, which publishes an original short humor piece or comic every weekday. It's a bit of McSweeney's meets a bit of The AV Club, with a growing number of contributors. I'm ultimately hoping to stake out a place on the internet for independent entertainment, much like Craig and other sportswriters have done with the collapse of so many major journalistic institutions. (If you're not aware, my home turf in Hollywood is going through a very similar meltdown right now.)
Craig was nice enough to do an interview with Chortle about apple pie today, as part of our ongoing "celebration" of America this week. He's also letting me re-publish one of my posts from earlier this week right here! (Thanks again, Craig.) Please enjoy my thoughts on why Baseball Needs More Clocks -- and if you do, head on over to www.chortle.blog and subscribe!
Major League Baseball changed forever when the league implemented a pitch clock in March 2023, which put a time limit on baseball for the first time in the sport’s 150+ year history. It was a controversial decision among baseball traditionalists, who thought a clock would ruin the familiar ebb and flow of the ol’ ballgame. Personally, I was surprised at how many of my friends hated the idea of a timer between pitches, despite the fact that the average MLB game had grown into a three-hour slog.
Fifteen months later, pretty much everyone has embraced the pitch clock. The average game length decreased by about twenty minutes last year, and has gone down another six minutes this season. The angry op-eds and social media posts have decreased as everyone realized, “Hey, baseball is more fun when it’s not unnecessarily slow!” Despite a few grumbles from pitchers and the players’ union, the pitch clock seems to have something like a 90% approval rating.
This is despite the fact that, in typical MLB fashion, the pitch clock is extraordinarily complicated. It’s actually a two-part clock, since the batter and the pitcher have different rules for when each has to be ready. And the amount of time changes if a new batter is stepping in, or if there are runners on base, or if it’s the postseason. It’s like if the NBA shot clock changed depending on the height of the players or something.
Yet MLB’s success with this intricate clock makes me think that baseball needs more of them. Viewership is still shrinking, the league is navigating a TV rights crisis, and increasing the number of clocks would be preferable to increasing the number of betting partners. Just try telling me these clocks wouldn’t improve America’s pastime.
National Anthem Timer
Every game starts with the “The Star Spangled Banner.” Talk about predictable. Here’s my idea: From now on, in MLB stadiums across the country, we put a stopwatch on the Jumbotron during the song’s performance.The average length of the National Anthem is around 1:56, so if the singer finishes their version between 1:54 and 1:58, everyone in the stadium gets a free hot dog. BUT the singer is blindfolded — they can only gauge the time by their internal clock and the crowd’s reaction.
Imagine the tension building up to that glorious five second window. The singer listening for clues . . . the crowd respectful but breathless . . . and processed meat on the line. How can you not be romantic about baseball?
Manager Dash
We’re giving managers three seconds to get from the dugout steps to the pitcher’s mound for a pitching change. Otherwise, it’s an immediate ejection for both manager and pitcher. This helps with baseball’s pace of play initiative, as well as one of the league’s other recent goals: more action on the infield. The specific action here, of course, will include a lot of old men falling down. In other words, Must See TV.
The Wave Clock
The Wave Clock is two hours long and starts at first pitch. If any fan tries to start a round of the Wave before the clock expires, the visiting team gets a run, plus an additional run for every subsequent Wave.
I know that complaining about the Wave makes me sound like a cranky old jerk . . . because that’s what I am! Stop doing the Wave in the third inning! I’m trying to watch baseball, here! While I’m at it . . . Commercials are too loud these days! Music makes no sense to me anymore! I don’t understand TikTok!
Nick Castellanos Clock
This one I imagine as less of a clock, and more like a big sign in every stadium that looks like one of those days-since-accident counters. But in this case, it would be counting the number of days since Nick Castellanos hit an awkwardly timed home run during an otherwise somber moment. This clock is obviously inspired by Thom Brennamen’s infamous final moments on-air. Since then, Castellanos has homered during the eulogy of a World War II veteran, a Memorial Day tribute to fallen service members, and well wishes to a recovering stroke victim.
The man must be stopped! Or at least tracked! I know this clock in particular may be controversial, and so I’d like to apologize to anyone I’ve hurt by discussing any—as there's a drive into deep left field by Castellanos and that'll be a home run. And so that'll make it a 4-0 ballgame . . .
Thanks, Greg!
Other Stuff
Dystopia Watch
AI audio firm ElevenLabs has set agreements with the estates of Judy Garland, James Dean and other legends to use their voices to read books, articles, PDFs and other text material to mobile users of its new Reader App.
ElevenLabs envisions users tapping Garland’s legendary pipes to read the original L. Frank Baum novel “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz,” or Laurence Olivier to deliver a Sherlock Holmes story, in addition to a range of other works. ElevenLabs emphasizes that it has struck license agreements for authorized use of the legendary voices as part of the “Iconic Voices” feature of its app.
I suppose it’s a big step forward for an AI company to actually get permission to do this rather than to simply do it and then act all surprised later when someone complains. But it’s still ghoulish and creepy and I cannot imagine the size of the check it would take to me to exploit the memory of a family member in this way.
Let the dead rest, man.
Biden’s response
I’ve been more lax and hands-off about President Biden’s age and his apparently increasing infirmity than most people, primarily because what in the hell can be done about it? That being said, the other night I watched Biden deliver his words in response to Monday’s Supreme Court decision with profound sadness and even helplessness.
To be sure, the words he offered, and even the manner in which he offered them, were not objectionable on the surface. People have mocked Biden to some degree for saying he wouldn’t take advantage of the unprecedented powers the Supreme Court just granted presidents — “just like a Democrat to unilaterally surrender!” — but, honestly, what else would you have him or anyone do? Promise to bomb the Supreme Court? Declare himself dictator? The whole point of this is that we want a president who believes in the rule of law and respects the Constitutional limits on his power even if the Supreme Court thinks otherwise, so I don’t take issue with him saying that that’s what he’ll strive to be.
Still, the moment called for so, so much more. It called for a clear and full-throated explanation to the American people why the Supreme Court’s decision was so radical and dangerous. Just how out-of-step it is with American democracy and American ideals. Just how chilling it would be for Donald Trump or, frankly, any president who is not a saint to wield the sort of power John Roberts would have presidents wield. It required 20-25 minutes from behind the desk in the Oval Office, fireside chat or even Reagan-speaking-to-the-nation-style, in which the President made it abundantly clear to both America and the rest of the world just how close the country is to going over the falls and how, dammit, he won’t let that happen if the nation puts its trust in him and rejects the growing calls for tyranny and lawlessness.
But we didn’t get that, because Biden is incapable of doing that at this point in his life. It’s not his fault that he can’t do that, but it’s a huge fucking problem.
Contrary to the New York Times’ months-long hand-wringing about Biden’s age, the country can be run just fine with an aging and even an infirm chief executive. Contrary to how it’s often portrayed, the Oval Office is not a one-man operation. Given the size of the president’s cabinet and staff and the size of the federal government as a whole, the day-to-day running of the government can be accomplished just fine with Joe Biden, as he currently exists, as president.
But an infirm president cannot truly lead when leadership, as opposed to mere administration, is necessary. Not in the way America has shown that it needs and desires to be led when a crisis hits. He cannot effectively comfort the masses. He cannot effectively express his solidarity or his empathy or his vision with Americans. Because of that, he cannot make the full case for his reelection — a reelection that is more about stopping Donald Trump and staving off chaos than just about anything — that he desperately needs to make. Because of that, we’re left pretty much alone as the atrocities mount, and it just adds to the feeling of hopelessness.
Listen to yourself
From the New York Times newsletter’s assessment of Monday’s ruling:
The decision doesn’t shield presidents from all consequences. They must still win elections, and Congress can still impeach them.
Except (a) they can now break any law they wish in order to steal an election or otherwise perpetrate a coup with no fear of legal consequence; and (b) even if there already wasn’t a pretty established unwritten rule that no Senator will vote to remove a president of their own party, now they will simply say “how can we impeach a president if there are no ‘high crimes’ for which he can be punished?” Impeachment will never happen given the current state of this nation’s politics.
For the New York Times to suggest that there are any real checks on a president now, apart from his or her own shame or own personal set of ethics, is naive fantasy.
It begins already
Yesterday Manhattan prosecutors said they would not oppose Donald Trump’s request to delay his sentencing in the Stormy Daniels hush money case because he is seeking to have the conviction overturned following Monday’s Supreme Court ruling that granted broad immunity protections to presidents.
It should be noted that all of the relevant acts of that crime took place before Donald Trump was president and, because of that, they have no connection whatsoever to any “official acts” of his presidency. The only stuff that came into evidence at trial from after his election related to his efforts to cover up his pre-election crimes. Yet courts will now entertain his arguments and nothing can be done to him while it’s all pending.
In the end, I suspect we’ll find that being elected president not only immunizes you from crimes committed as president but prevents anyone from looking at crimes you committed before you became president. Seems like a great way to encourage even more of the worst people on the planet to try to become president.
Making lemonade out of lemons
I am still reeling at the Supreme Court granting presidents dictatorial powers, but let’s make the most of it. President Biden: if you are reading this, please launch nuclear missiles at any company which gives you this message after rejecting your login and directing you to reset your password, as MLB’s app did to me yesterday when I was trying to buy tickets to Friday’s Tigers-Reds game:
Maybe that’s excessive, but every other middle aged white male dipshit seems to get what they want in this country, so why should I be any different?
My escape plan has been complicated
Longtime readers will recall my talk a year or two ago about how, given the nature of my job and the fact that my kids are now grown, I could and, hell, maybe might move out of the country for the expatriate life one day. There are a number of countries that offer visas for folks who can show that they will not take a job from a native and have the financial resources to support themself without leaning too heavily on the country’s welfare state. Digital nomad and so-called “golden visas” primarily, which are basically made for someone with my life setup.
One particular attractive destination I talked about was the Netherlands which, thanks to a 1950s treaty not too many people know about, is generally open to Americans for settlement as long as they jump through a few fairly manageable hoops. Allison and I even spent a little time figuring out where we’d want to live in the Netherlands. Utrecht was the early leader based on its moderate size, manifest pleasantness, and proximity to Amsterdam and other places one might wish to visit.
I’ll admit I hadn’t thought of those musings much in the past several months, so it came as an unpleasant surprise to me when I read this yesterday:
The Netherlands swore in its first far-right government on Tuesday, more than seven months after an election sent shock waves through the Dutch political system.
The new government has pledged to govern the Netherlands differently after nearly 14 years under Prime Minister Mark Rutte. The coalition was formed out of months of negotiations spurred by the success of right-wing leader Geert Wilders’ party in November elections.
For what it’s worth, people who know more about this than me believe the Dutch right wing coalition to be super shaky and its aims — opting out of the EU’s freedom of movement and environmental rules and otherwise taking one foot out of the EU — to be pipe dreams. Of course that’s what they said about Trump’s aims, the aims of the Brexiteers and others and we see how that’s all worked out. The only thing more prevalent than the rise of right wing movements, it seems, is centrists and left wingers underestimating the threat that they pose.
Portugal, anyone?
Have a great day everyone.
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