Cup of Coffee: March 29, 2024

Good morning!

This afternoon a young man named Jackson Chourio will make his major league debut for the Milwaukee Brewers in a game against the New York Mets. When he does so, he will be the first major league baseball player who is younger than one of my children.

It’s been a nice life.

OK, I won’t die. I’ll carry on. I’ll carry on with the recaps from the 13 ballgames which were played yesterday, Rob Manfred’s words about the Shohei Ohtani investigation, a Wander Franco update, A-Rod failing, and yet another weird MLB sponsorship.

I’ll then move on to Other Stuff in which we’ll discuss the death of the plan to move the Washington Wizards and Capitals to Northern Virginia, an update on that Titanic replica project, and one of the best examples of right wing brain worms we’ve seen in some time. Yummy.

Oh, and one last plug of my Opening Day sale. Which I think is OK because, thanks to yesterday’s rains — like tears in rain! — it’s still Opening Day for four teams:

Take 20% off a subscription for a year!

Let’s get at ‘er.

And That Happened 

Here are the scores. Here are the highlights:

Orioles 11, Angels 3: Alexander Pope once wrote “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” Pope must’ve been a big Angels fan. Although anyone watching an Angels game could’ve expected “Mike Trout hits a homer and the rest of the team shits the bed for the rest of the game.” It’s kind of their thing. Not that this was all about the Angels sucking. It was mostly about Corbin Burnes shoving. He tossed six innings of one hit, one run ball, striking out 11 and not walking a soul. Anthony Santander and Cedric Mullins both homered. Adley Rutschman, meanwhile, had two hits, drew a walk, drove in two and scored three runs. Last Opening Day he had five hits and a walk. My man loves Opening Day.

Reds 8, Nationals 2: Dorothy Parker famously said “I like to have a Martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host.” Here the Reds limited themselves to two, with Martini, Nick hitting a two-run homer in the second inning and a three-run homer in the third. OK, that was kind of tortured. Really a reach as far as references goes by my standards. It’s Opening Day for recappers too, though. I’ll come back stronger once I’ve gotten some reps in. Otherwise, Frankie Montas pitched six shutout innings in his Reds debut. I don’t have anything clever to say about that. Gotta play within yourself early. Don’t try to do too much.

Tigers 1, White Sox 0: A pitcher’s duel in which Tarik Skubal (6 IP, 3 H, 0 ER, 6K) beat Garrett Crochet (6 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 8K). The game’s only run was manufactured via a single, a steal, a groundout, and a sac fly. The best part of this game was watching the Tigers’ stream and hearing Jason Benetti call the game. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a Tigers home broadcast and now they have one of the best in the biz. Based on the ovation they gave him early in the game, White Sox fans know it well and know they’ll miss him badly.

Twins 4, Royals 1: Royce Lewis had a homer, a single, and an injury which is a pretty standard Royce Lewis day at the ballpark. Last I saw they say it was a quad injury, but we’ll hear more about it today. Max Kepler left the game too after fowling a ball off his leg. Carlos Correa went 3-for-4 and drove in a couple. Pablo López gave up a first inning homer but was otherwise solid, allowing just that one over seven.

Yankees 5, Astros 4: Houston jumped out to an early 4-0 lead, which caused all the Yankees fans in my social feeds to start acting as if the season was over, the world was ending, and nothing mattered anymore. So they’re in midseason form. The team itself did not give up, however, getting three of those runs back in the fifth, tying it up on an Oswaldo Cabrera dinger in the sixth, and getting the go-ahead run on an Alex Verdugo sac fly in the seventh. The play of the game, though, was on defense, when in the bottom of the ninth Juan Soto fielded a single and threw out the would-be tying run at the plate:

I don’t wanna be like Yankees fans and make sweeping conclusions based on a ridiculously small sample size, but that’s totally a game in which New York would’ve rolled over and died last year.

Padres 6, Giants 4: San Francisco took a 3-2 lead in the seventh but the Pads came back with a four-run bottom half capped by a Jake Cronenworth two-run double to put it away. Yu Darvish allowed one run and five hits while striking out seven. Giants newcomer Jung Hoo Lee hit the go-ahead sac fly that gave San Francisco that brief late lead and hit an earlier single. Bob Melvin’s return to San Diego was an unhappy one.

Dodgers 7, Cardinals 1: Last week Cardinals starter Miles Mikolas derided the high-payroll Dodgers for playing “checkbook baseball.” That turned out to be a check his mouth wrote that his butt couldn’t cash, as the Dodgers battered him for five runs on seven hits in four and a third. Mookie Betts and Freddie Freeman both homered off of him in the third. Things might’ve been worse earlier when Shohei Ohtani hit a double off of him with Mookie Betts on base, but Betts held up at third for some reason, Ohtani kept running, and got caught in a rundown. Not that any of this really mattered given that the Cards offense consisted of Paul Goldschmidt going 3-for-4 and the remainder of the Cardinals lineup going 0-for-27. Tyler Glasnow allowed one over six to pick up the win.

Blue Jays 8, Rays 2: Things were pretty even until the sixth when the Jays busted out for five runs thanks in part to homers from Cavan Biggio and Vlad Jr. The other part of that five consisted of a two-run single from Alejandro Kirk and an RBI single from Kevin Kiermaier. George Springer homered for Toronto as well and Bo Bichette drove in two. José Berríos allowed two over six. It was a day Rays starter Zach Eflin would like to forget (5.2 IP, 6 H, 6 ER, 3 HR).

Pirates 6, Marlins 5: This one went 12 which is way too much for one’s first day at work, but you do what you gotta do I guess. Miami led this one 5-2 heading into the seventh, but homers from Edward Olivares and Oneil Cruz in the seventh and eighth, respectively, helped tie it up at five and force extras. Jared Triolo hit a RBI single in the top of the 12th to score the Manfred Man and seal it for the Buccos. The real heroes of the day here, however, were the Pirates relievers, who held the Marlins to just one hit in six and a third after Pirates starter Mitch Keller gave up five runs on seven hits.

Rangers 4, Cubs 3: A seesaw contest throughout, with the teams trading runs through the ninth inning. The last trade in regulation involved the Cubs taking a 3-2 lead in the top of the ninth on a wild pitch that Rangers catcher Jonah Heim thought was a foul tip and actually did seem to be but which isn’t reviewable so whaddaya gonna do? Texas then forced extras via a solo shot from Travis Jankowski in the bottom half. The trading stopped at that point, as the Rangers held Chicago scoreless in the top of the tenth after which Texas loaded the bases via a couple of walks but got their Manfred Man thrown out at home. Then Heim came up and atoned for whatever happened on that wild pitch/foul tip by singling home the walkoff run.

Worse news than just the loss for the Cubs: starter Justin Steele went tumbling onto the turf while fielding a bunt in the fifth inning and came up looking seriously lame. He left the game with what was called a tight hamstring, but it won’t shock anyone if they downgrade that to strained today. We’ll see once he gets it scanned, but Craig Counsell said after the game that he expects Steele to hit the IL.

Guardians 8, Athletics 0: Shane Bieber turned in a dominant performance, notching six scoreless while striking out 11. David Fry had three hits, Andrés Giménez had an RBI single, Austin Hedges hit a two-run infield single — you don’t see that every day — and Brayan Rocchio hit a two-run double. Stephen Vogt wins his managerial debut. And with that the A’s begin what promises to be a really lousy season. The announced Opening Day crowd of just 13,522, though there weren’t that many actually in the stands. There were tons of people outside protesting/partying in the parking lot, however. It was a scene to sure:

In what might be the beginning of the team's final season in Oakland, fans waved hundreds of "SELL" flags, ate free tacos and listened to live music. What most of them didn't do was enter the stadium to watch the game, choosing to continue the party through the night by watching the game on a blowup projection screen . . . The fans partied on the cracked asphalt of the Coliseum parking lot, in the shadows of the crumbling bleachers once rolled into the stadium for Raiders football games. The longest line was for the tent manned by members of Schools Over Stadiums, a political action committee of the Nevada State Education Association, which is attempting to stop the allocation of $380 million in public funding to help A's owner John Fisher pay for a new ballpark on the Las Vegas Strip.

Red Sox 6, Mariners 4: Boston led throughout, thanks in part to Rafael Devers hitting a two-run homer, the Sox plating a couple on a couple of fielder’s choices, and Connor Wong hitting an RBI single. Tyler O’Neill’s homer in the eighth gave them some breathing room late. It was, oddly enough, O’Neill’s fifth straight Opening Day home run. Earlier I said Adley Rutschman liked Opening Day. I think O’Neill likes it more.

Seattle did have one highlight: Nelson Cruz thew out the first pitch and then, on the field, signed a ceremonial one-day contract so he could officially retire a Seattle Mariner. Which makes sense even though he played half as many seasons in Seattle as he did in Texas given that the Seattle seasons were better.

Diamondbacks 16, Rockies 1: You don’t really come back from a 14-run inning, which is what the Dbacks put up in the third. Lourdes Gurriel Jr. had five RBI and three hits, including a two-run homer, but amazingly, the 14-run inning did not feature a single longball. After the game Torey Lovullo called that “situational hitting.” The situation was primarily characterized by the Rockies getting humiliatingly spanked for the 34 minutes that half inning entailed.

Brewers vs. Mets; Atlanta vs. Phillies — POSTPONED:

🎶 It's raining again,
I'm hearing its pitter patter down.
It's wet in the street
Reflecting the lights and splashing feet,
Nowhere to go,
And nothing I have to do, have to do 🎶

 The Daily Briefing

Manfred eyes a “short” investigation into the Ohtani gambling scandal

Before I get into the main topic of this item, does anyone find it strange that no one has apparently heard anything from Ippei Mizuhara since all of this went down? Like, where did he go after he got fired while in Korea? Is he OK? Yesterday the L.A. Times wrote up as much of a dossier on Mizuhara as we’ve seen so far, but there’s no sense of where he might be. Also:

I’m sure there’s nothing to be worried about there. Anyway.

Rob Manfred went on Major League Baseball Network's "High Heat with Chris Russo" yesterday and was asked about the state of the investigation into the Shohei Ohtani gambling scandal, which is what I’ve decided to call it for lack of anything better. Manfred said he hopes it’ll be a “short” inquiry:

"Given the way the story unfolded, it's important in assuring our fans about the integrity of the game that we verify the things that Mr. Ohtani said, it's really that simple.

"It's really difficult for the federal authorities to cooperate with us fully when they have their own ongoing investigation so I think this is one where we'll have to proceed on our own. We never have the kind of authority that law enforcement people have but we manage to get these investigations done and find the facts and I'm sure we will on this one.

"I hope [it's] short, but I just don't know."

I’m sure people will hear that and conclude that Manfred not only hopes for a short inquiry but, rather, is going to see to it that it is a short inquiry, presuming he’ll brush things under the rug as soon as he can. I’m usually the first person to go after Manfred with long knives, but I don’t see this as a problem, at least with respect to Ohtani.

As I said after Ohtani gave his statement on Monday, there is little room left for nuance here. Ohtani made it pretty damn clear what his story is: Ippei Mizuhara ripped him off and he has had no connection whatsoever to gambling. While Manfred cannot get too involved in a federal investigation, I’m willing to bet that there is enough communication there to where the federal agents looking into all of this will be able to, broadly, confirm to the league if what Ohtani is saying is true. If they don’t think he’s involved the’ll tip off baseball and baseball will clear Ohtani. Probably in the space of weeks as opposed to months.

I do, however, think that Manfred will decide to stop there and look no further into connections between baseball and illegal gambling, even if a good commissioner would keep looking. I mean, Ippei was a team employee who, if Ohtani’s story holds, got in super deep to an illegal bookie. He met that bookie, if the various news reports are to be believed, through David Fletcher, an active baseball player. Former big leaguer Yasiel Puig has been tangentially connected to the broader world of southern California illegal gambling. You cannot tell me that that’s the alpha and omega of baseball connections to illegal bookmaking. But that’s a conversation Rob Manfred is not ready for. And he’ll likely do everything he can not to have it. And to make sure no one else does either.

As it relates strictly to Ohtani, however, I think it’ll be pretty clear pretty soon where he falls, or does not fall, and that, yes, the matter will be concluded relatively soon.

Wander Franco on administrative leave through June 1

Yesterday, per an agreement between MLB and the MLBPA, Tampa Bay Rays shortstop Wander Franco was placed on administrative leave through June 1. Franco's status could change before then depending on what happens in the criminal proceedings against him in the Dominican Republic. This move is not based on anything happening in his case. It’s about roster stuff for the Rays as the season begins.

Franco, you probably know, spent the final six weeks of last season on paid administrative leave after he was alleged to have engaged in sexual activity with a 14-year-old girl. Based on everything we’ve heard about that case it sounds like he’s, quite appropriately, in deep legal trouble, so I’m still guessing he never plays in the bigs again and will be lucky if he doesn’t serve a substantial prison sentence.

A-Rod fails to buy the Minnesota Timberwolves

The owner of the Minnesota Timberwolves and Minnesota Lynx, Glen Taylor, announced yesterday that the teams “are no longer for sale.” This was unwelcome news to the two people who believed — and apparently still believe — they were buying them, one of whom is named Alex Rodriguez. He goes by A-Rod for short.

Back in 2001 A-Rod and his partner, Mark Lore, who already own 40% of the franchises agreed to buy a majority stake for $1.5 billion. Taylor, however, claims that the two did not meet a deadline on Wednesday to get the deal done. A-Rod and Lore counter that, however, claiming they do have the funds and that Taylor is backing out. They released a statement to that effect at least:

"We are disappointed with Glen Taylor's public statement today. We have fulfilled our obligations, have necessary funding and are fully committed to closing our purchase of the team as soon as the NBA completes its approval process. Glen Taylor's statement is an unfortunate case of seller's remorse that is shortsighted and disruptive to the team and the fans during a historic winning season."

The dispute, it seems, hinges on whether the deadline was truly met if the NBA hadn’t signed off, whether or not A-Rod and his partner were entitled to an extension, and stuff like that. Of course, one cannot buy if one is not willing to sell, so even if Taylor does have seller’s remorse — or maybe if he thinks he could get more money for the franchises now than he agreed to sell it for back in 2021 — the matter will likely be resolved via litigation of some form to determine damages rather than anyone forcing him to sell it to A-Rod and Co.

Frankly, I’m shocked that something A-Rod is involved in got all screwed up. What are the effin’ odds?

We have a new leader in the “Worst MLB Sponsorship” race

I’ve spent several years mocking all of the “Official ___ of Major League Baseball” sponsorships we’ve seen since Rob Manfred took office. Selling everything that isn’t nailed down, selling lots of things that are nailed down, and inventing new things to sell from whole cloth has really been his singular achievement as commissioner.

Yesterday, however, we encountered one that makes the weird as hell “NLCS, Presented by Doosan” and “Camping World World Series, brought to you by MasterCard” sponsorships look like child’s play. From the landing page of the MLB app:

At first I thought that this was a defense contractor that actually builds submarines for the Navy, which would render Mel Brooks’ “Spaceballs THE FLAMETHROWER!” joke more prescient than we ever expected. It turns out, however, that Buildsubmarines dot com is a recruiting site for companies involved in submarine manufacturing looking for workers.

Which is, frankly, still kind of a weird marketing partnership, but I suppose if you have time to fart around on your phone in the middle of the day while listening to a ballgame you have time to become a Senior Program Planner II for the underwater engineering department of General Dynamics.

Other Stuff

The plan to move the Wizards and Capitals to Northern Virginia is dead

This happened on Wednesday but by the time I saw it the newsletter was pretty full. Anyway: the plan to spend a billion dollars of Virginia taxpayer money on a new home for the Washington Wizards and Capitals is dead:

D.C. Mayor Muriel E. Bowser and Ted Leonsis, owner of the Wizards and Capitals, signed a deal Wednesday that — if approved by the D.C. Council — would keep the teams in downtown D.C. until 2050, abruptly ending the owner’s planned move to Virginia.

This is good for Virginia taxpayers and, more broadly speaking, it’s good that two teams who have played in the District for decades will continue to play in the District. But let’s not pretend that this whole gambit hasn’t given team owner Ted Leonsis what he wanted in terms of money and gifts of real estate development rights:

Under the terms of the deal, D.C. will spend $515 million over three years to help Leonsis modernize the arena, and Leonsis will sign a new lease keeping the teams in D.C. for 25 more years.

The agreement includes other provisions that address some of Leonsis’s concerns about the state of downtown, which has struggled to recover from the pandemic, and allow his company, Monumental Sports & Entertainment, to expand in the city.

Among the provisions to which the two sides have tentatively agreed, D.C. would allow Leonsis to take over the Gallery Place retail center, assume management of the Mystics home arena in Southeast D.C., utilize parking at some District-owned buildings for Monumental employees, keep a minimum number of police officers downtown and plan for a new future downtown practice facility for the Wizards.

Is the takeaway here that (a) it’s possible to tell a billionaire sports owner “no” like Virginia lawmakers did, showing that they can’t always get what they want, or (b) that billionaire sports owners can get most of what they want as long as they have some other location to use as a relocation threat?

The answer, I think is “yes.”

About that Titanic replica project . . .

Last week I wrote about the crazy Australian billionaire, Clive Palmer, who has been trying to build an exact replica of the Titanic for the past decade. And who at least claims that he is finally now doing it. When I first encountered this story it seemed to me like nothing more than a tale of a man with too much money on his hands who wants to use it on an expensive folly. Turns out that — surprise surprise — the crazy Australian billionaire is, well, crazy.

He sat down for an interview with Rolling Stone recently. The first bits of it what you’d expect. Hubris, sure, but some humor and a reminder that people with that kind of money are just sort of operating on a different, stranger level than most of us. But then we get to this:

Are you interested in getting any outside financing, or do you just want to be in complete control?

I don't really want to be in control so much, I'm not that sort of person. But I've got too much money. So I don't need any other money. We don't need to raise any funds. We don't need to take mums and dads money, if anyone loses any money, it's [me], and I'm happy to lose money at this age. We can make instant decisions about what we want to do without worrying about the consequences. We haven't got to have a committee sits here and says, "Oh, should we do this? What will the SEC say?" It'll be a Covid vaccine-free environment.

Vaccine-free how?

We won't have any. We don't believe people should be compelled. You might be aware of it, but I recently funded a case in Queensland where we had the vaccines declared unlawful because we believe that impeded on individual choice and freedom. And the courts agreed with us as well, the superior court -- so it's the first in the world. That was another controversial thing. [Palmer put $2.5-$3 million toward a successful legal challenge brought by police and ambulance service workers who said they faced disciplinary action up to termination for refusing to comply with a vaccine mandate.]

But will vaccinated people be allowed on the ship?

Yeah, we've got to extend our hand in love and friendship for people being vaccinated despite the side effects. We have to look after them. And they're all good people. We're all the same really, like white, green, yellow, whatever it is -- to embrace each other.

You will not be shocked to learn that right after that he goes on about “cancel culture” and wokeness, which should not be a surprise from anyone who, when mentioning race, does that “white, green, yellow” thing. Usually those sorts of people mention purple too, but maybe there’s a cultural difference involved since he’s Australian. Sort of like how they’re so big on Tim Tams, but for barely-veiled racism.

Anyway, despite all of the bad vibes going on a ship called Titanic II might invoke, the balance of probabilities suggests that it won’t sink like its namesake did. But it sounds like a great place to get some new strain of COVID or, if you’re particularly lucky, the measles.

Great Moments in Paranoid Brain Worms 

This is from a sitting Michigan legislator who bills himself as “Trump Endorsed, Ranked Most Conservative State Representative, Freedom Caucus, Anti-communist”:

It was quickly determined that, no those busses were not “loaded up with illegal invaders.” They were “loaded up” with the Gonzaga University men’s basketball team, which landed in Detroit in anticipation of their Sweet 16 matchup against Purdue tonight at Little Caesars Arena in Detroit.

Which I’m guessing this dipshit actually knew. He just understands, however, that if his fellow right wing dipshits can be tricked into believing it, it works to his and his party’s political advantage, as fear remains a strong motivator for the bigoted and ignorant.

Have a great weekend everyone.

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