Cup of Coffee: May 14, 2024

Good morning! And happy birthday, Grandma Nellie! 

Today we meet a real gamer, check out some surprisingly non-offensive City Connect uniforms, and mourn the far too early passing of a former major leaguer and youth baseball legend. In Other Stuff we meet a couple of guys who are real bad news and I time travel for some frozen pizza.

And That Happened 

Here are the scores. Here are the highlights:

Tigers 6, Marlins 5: The Tigers jumped out to an early 3-0 lead and then blew it in the middle innings before a three-run eighth inning rally capped by Spencer Torkelson’s two-run homer secured it. In other news, Detroit scored first in this game. Which inspired an analytics account I’ve never heard of before to tweet this keen insight:

The Tigers have scored first in 60% of their games this season, T-7th best in MLB; League Avg: 50%.

Really? The league average of an either/or metric is 50%? What are the fuckin’ odds?

Blue Jays 3, Orioles 2: Daulton Varsho robbed Ryan O'Hearn of a home run in the bottom of the fourth and, hit a solo home run to tie it up in the eighth, and then he grounded out to second to plate the go-ahead and ultimate winning run in the tenth. Good game, Daulton. Take tomorrow off. Or don’t. They probably need you.

Rays 5, Red Sox 3: Amed Rosario messed around and got a triple and a double, driving in three. Yandy Díaz had three hits so it was a good day for him too.

Atlanta 2, Cubs 0: Reynaldo López tossed five shutout innings, allowing just two hits, and three relievers finished off the shutout. Both Atlanta runs came in the sixth when Zack Short — filling in for the ailing Austin Riley — doubled in a run and Ronald Acuña Jr. singled him in. A tough luck no-decision for Shōta Imanaga who threw five scoreless innings and lowered his ERA to 0.96. He had a lot of traffic on the basepaths but it was the lack of run support, not the traffic, which did him in.

Phillies 5, Mets 4; Diamondbacks 6, Reds 5: Here’s something fun: in New York, Mets closer Edwin Díaz blew a two-run lead in the ninth, blowing the save against the Phillies. Later in the evening in Arizona Reds closer Alexis Díaz — Edwin’s brother — gave up two runs in the ninth inning, blowing the save against the Diamondbacks. In the former game Bryson Stott homered in the ninth and the game was tied on a bases-loaded plunking, forcing extras. Stott’s sac fly in the tenth was the decider. In the latter game, a walkoff two-run single by Kevin Newman was the decider.

Also, Mike Ford of the Reds — who is neither a small man nor a fast man — hit a triple:

Unrelated: Mike Ford’s middle name is “Harrison.” He was born on July 4, 1992. That was just under one month after the movie “Patriot Games” was released, so I’m gonna assume his parents were big fans. I have to assume that, actually, because the next most plausible alternative is that he was conceived after his parents rented “Regarding Henry” from a Blockbuster in the fall of 1991, and that’s too unsettling to consider.

Pirates 8, Brewers 6: Bryan Reynolds went 5-for-5 with a homer and two doubles, Jack Suwinski and Yasmani Grandal hit two-run homers, and Mitch Keller threw six shutout innings. Despite all of that the Buccos almost blew a 7-2 lead in the eighth thanks to a late Jake Bauers grand slam, but they held on.

Guardians 7, Rangers 0: Tanner Bibee and four Cleveland relievers combined on a four-hit shutout and José Ramírez drove in four runs. It took the five Guardians pitchers 151 combined pitches to do it, which is pretty damn far from a Maddux. I have to assume that a shutout with a lot of pitches would be called a “Ryan” but I’ll let someone else do the research to see if that’s the most appropriate moniker.

Astros 9, Athletics 2: Alex Bregman homered twice — both solo shots — and hit a two-run double for a four-RBI evening. In the AP gamer it said “Bregman homered off Oakland starter Ross Stripling in the fourth inning, reminiscent of the homer he hit off Stripling in the 2018 All-Star Game.” I’m guessing that no one save Bregman, Stripling, and, possibly, the person who wrote the gamer actually remembered that All-Star Game homer without first looking up matchup stats, so calling it “reminiscent” is a bit of a stretch, but when you got column inches to fill ya fill ‘em. The Astros pen gave ‘em four innings of shutout relief.

Cardinals 10, Angels 5: St. Louis scored eight runs in the seventh, kicked off by a Nolan Arenado solo homer. Matt Carpenter hit a two-run single, Iván Herrera had two hits during the inning, including a two-run single of his own. Two more runs scored on a bases-loaded plunking and a bases-loaded walk, so you know it was a fun, non-stressful night for Ron Washington, whom I hope is being paid well to manage this Angels team.

Rockies 5, Padres 4: Rockies relievers walked the bases loaded in both the eighth and ninth innings — and Rockies pitchers walked 11 Padres batters in the game — but San Diego failed to score in either frame or really take advantage of all of those baserunners. “Typically, when you earn 11 walks, it puts you in pretty good position,” Padres manager Mike Shildt said after the game. He ain’t wrong there. Elehuris Montero had two hits and three RBI. And just like that the Rockies have a five-game winning streak.

Mariners 6, Royals 2: George Kirby tossed seven shutout innings and Luke Raley hit a two-run homer and drove in three runs. Highlight of the night, though, was the same fan catching foul balls on consecutive pitches:

I’m 50 damn years old and I’ve never caught a foul ball. Closest I came was having one land about 30 feet from me at a spring training game when another baseball writer and I were standing on some weird, otherwise unoccupied terrace just outside of the press box in Goodyear, Arizona to which no one without a credential had access. I don’t really count that one because (a) as noted, I didn’t catch it; (b) as noted, there was no competition for the ball whatsoever given that we were the only ones up there; and (c) the other writer I was with ended up being a horrible person who later went to jail in Canada and I feel better when I don’t dwell on the fact that I hung out with that guy a few times and didn’t clock him as a piece of crap.

Dodgers 6, Giants 4: Mookie Betts led the game off with a homer — he is having an absolutely ridiculous season, folks — but Luis Matos puts the Giants ahead with a three-run blast in the second. Shohei Ohtani returned to action and singled in a run to make it 3-2 Giants and Gavin Lux doubled to tie things up in the sixth. The teams traded runs in the sixth and seventh — Kiké Hernández’s pinch-hit homer was the L.A. contribution to that exchange — which sent it to extras. There the Dodgers went ahead for good thanks to a two-run double from Will Smith in the tenth. Los Angeles has beaten San Francisco four straight times. Fun fact from the gamer: “The Dodgers extended a franchise record by allowing four runs or fewer in 20 straight games, winning 16 of them.” Insert a GIF of Johnny Carson saying “I did not know that, that’s wild stuff.” Unless he never actually said that and it was just something Dana Carvey came up with for his Carson impression. Which is totally possible now that I think about it.

Nationals vs. White Sox — POSTPONED:

🎶 And we tried so hard
And we looked so good
And we lived our lives in black
Something about you felt like pain

You were my sunny day rain
You were the clouds in the sky
You were the darkest sky
But your lips spoke gold and honey
That's why I'm happy when it rains
I'm happy when it pours 🎶

The Daily Briefing

There’s a new home for the early Sunday game 

MLB announced yesterday that the “MLB Sunday Leadoff” games — which used to be on Peacock — are now going to be on Roku. The games begin this weekend with the Red Sox facing the Cardinals. That game will be at 1:05PM Eastern, but going forward they’ll return to the customary, though somewhat weird 11:35AM Eastern time slot. The announcers will be play-by-play guy Chip Caray, analyst Will Middlebrooks and sideline reporter Alexa Datt.

Peacock had paid $30 million a season for those games over the last two years. They declined to continue at that price, with The Athletic reporting that they only wanted to pay $10 million. MLB did not report how much Roku is paying for the games but it is presumably more than $10 million.

I think I watched three of these games in the two years Peacock had them. I honestly don’t think I know how to access Roku absent one of those little Roku devices that people with smart TVs don’t need anymore, but I can probably figure it out. I question just how many other people will go through the trouble, though I’m guessing that Peacock knows already that no more than 1/3 of the people it initially expected to bother did so.

Cats and dogs, living together . . . MASS HYSTERIA!

Via Gothamist, here’s some fun news from the New York State Assembly:

David Ortiz, the Boston Red Sox legend and Baseball Hall of Famer whose heroics in the 2000s and 2010s made him one of the New York Yankees’ most-hated rivals, is due at the state Capitol in Albany on Monday afternoon, according to state Sen. Luis Sepúlveda, a Democrat.

The Senate is set to fete “Big Papi," as Ortiz is known, with a resolution honoring the 20th anniversary of the Red Sox’ famed 2004 season. That year, the team ended its 86-year World Series title drought after coming back from a 3-0 deficit to snatch the American League pennant from the Yankees.

If it helps — and I appreciate that it will absolutely not help some Yankees fans — this resolution is (a) focused primarily on Ortiz’s charitable work, much of which has benefitted people in New York; and (b) is being sponsored by a state senator who, while from Puerto Rico, has been given honorary Dominican citizenship and who reepresents a Bronx district with a large Dominican population. Ortiz, of course, is arguably the most famous living Dominican-American figure around.

Which is to say: politics sometimes trumps sports allegiances.

Gamer

This, via broadcaster Tim Hagerty, goes hard:

You can't teach that. You just gotta love the way he went about his business and laid it all out there for the team. Including his brains, presumably.

The Guardians City Connects are out

I’ve hated most of the recent City Connect uniforms, but I’ll admit that the Guardians’ look pretty good:

I like the stripes on the pants. Puts me in mind of the early portion of the Andre Thronton Era which, baseball futility notwithstanding, was when I was introduced to Cleveland baseball.

I suppose the key to these is that they’re not too ambitious. They’re just an alt uniform with good colors and a bit of flair but they don’t try too hard. Honestly, given how little the Cleveland Baseball Club changed anything when they switched from their old nickname to their new one, maybe they should just keep these as regulars, albeit with some more traditional lettering on the jersey. At least it’s fresh.

Sean Burroughs: 1980-2024

Two-time Little League World Series champ, Olympic Gold medalist, and seven-year MLB veteran Sean Burroughs died last week. He was only 43. His family says that he died of sudden cardiac arrest just after he dropped his son off a the Long Beach, California Little League facility where his son played.

Burroughs, who was the son of 1974 American League MVP Jeff Burroughs, came to international prominence as a Little Leaguer himself when he led the Long Beach squad to the 1992 and 1993 Little League World Series championships. In that 1993 Series Burroughs pitched consecutive no-hitters and became the face of the team, resulting in appearances on the David Letterman show and elsewhere.

In 1998, the San Diego Padres selected Burroughs with the ninth overall pick in that year’s draft, causing him to forego a USC scholarship to turn pro. As a minor leaguer he played for the 2000 U.S. Olympic team which he helped to its first ever baseball gold medal.

Burroughs made his big league debut in 2002 and was San Diego’s starting third baseman in 2003 and 2004. While he held his own as a big league hitter he never developed the power the Padres envisioned. He was demoted to the minors in 2005 and was soon traded to the the Tampa Bay Devil Rays who released him following the 2006 campaign. The same would happen in the Mariners system in 2007, after which he walked away from the game, citing a loss of passion for it. He would return to baseball for a partial season with the Diamondbacks in 2011 and then played ten games for the Twins in 2012. He’d bounce around the minors and independent ball for a few of seasons after that before hanging it up for good in 2016. For his career Burroughs had a batting line of .278/.335/.355 (88 OPS+) with 12 homers in 528 games.

The Padres issued a statement on Friday, saying, “We mourn the passing of former Padres third baseman Sean Burroughs. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family during this very difficult time.” The Diamondbacks added: “The Dbacks mourn the passing of Sean Burroughs and offer our condolences to his family and friends. Sean was a member of the 2011 NL West champion team and beloved by his teammates, coaches, staff, and fans. Rest in peace, Sean.”

The mayor of Long Beach, California also expressed his condolences via his office’s social media account, saying “The Long Beach community mourns the passing of Sean Burroughs, who was a local hero and baseball legend. Sean was a Little League World Series Champion and Olympian. The sports community will feel his loss for years to come.”

Rest in peace Sean Burroughs.

Other Stuff

This is who they are

Many of you have likely seen a video making the rounds in the past day or two in which a guy, speaking from his car, brags about giving homeless people fake $5 bills so that they’ll get arrested when they try to use them. His commentary:

“So I always keep this fake Hollywood money in my car so when a homeless person asks for money, then I give him like a fake $5 bill, so I feel good about myself, they feel good. And then, when they go to use it, they get arrested so I’m actually like helping clean up the community. You know, getting them off the street.”

The guy in question, it should be noted, is a former Trump staffer/adviser who was initially fired by the administration because he hid his gambling debts and was unable to get a security clearance. But Trump liked him so he was re-hired by Trump when the guy who fired him resigned, after which he was the point man in the attempt to get Mike Pence to throw the election to Trump. Now he’s part of a think tank that’s coming up with the Ushering in Full Fascism Plan in the event Trump gets elected. So, yeah, he’s a peach.

He’s also, it’s worth noting, a total dead-eye Patrick Bateman sociopath-looking mofo:

I haven’t followed the fallout of this guy’s TikTok clip beyond the initial reporting on it, but I’d put 99% odds on this being a thing in which he was doing it as a bit and that he is not, actually, out there trying to get homeless people arrested for passing counterfeit bills. Mostly because this guy himself would then be on the hook for counterfeiting and he probably knows that he would NOT do well in prison.

But assuming it was an attempt at a joke, it doesn’t make it any better. Indeed, it says an awful lot about him and the people to whom he was telling the joke. About what they think is funny, their cruelty, and their complete lack of empathy for people in unfortunate circumstances. It suggests that, not only does he look the part of a sociopath, but that he probably is one too.

Anyway, if Trump wins, this guy will probably be the White House Chief of Staff or will fill some other important and powerful position. Just throwin’ that out there for the folks who like to glibly assert that it doesn’t matter who gets elected this fall because they’re all terrible or all the same.

Speaking of horrible people . . .

There is a guy, originally from Rhode Island, but who lived in Ohio and Utah among other places, named Nicholas Alahverdian — who often went by the name Nicholas Rossi — who is a serial rapist, abuser, stalker, and fraudster. Back in 2008 he was convicted in Ohio of sexual imposition and public indecency, was placed on 15 years probation and was required to register as a sex offender. Later he dipped his toes into the men’s rights/incel movement and continued to take advantage of people and steal from them. He was married twice in the United States, with both marriages ending quickly after he was credibly accused of rape, abuse, cruelty, manipulation, fraud, and the violation of protective orders.

In 2017, probably realizing that he was well on his way to a short life of freedom before his inevitable incarceration, the then-30 year old Alahverdian got on a plane and flew to the United Kingdom. There he moved in with a woman he had been wooing online but raped and abused her too. When he learned that charges against him back in the United States were imminent — and rightfully feared that he’d be charged with rape in England — he faked his own death by issuing phony press releases, some of which were picked up by U.S. press outlets, that he had died of Non-Hodgkin lymphoma. U.S. authorities were highly dubious of these reports and continued to investigate, certain that Alahverdian had faked his death to evade the law.

In early 2021, a man claiming to be “Arthur Knight” surfaced in a hospital in Scotland, being treated for a serious case of COVID which required him to be attached to a ventilator. Knight, who claimed to have been an Irish orphan who grew up in the UK, said he was a university instructor. After being released from the hospital he lived in Glasgow with his new wife who said that, yes, this was Arthur Knight, a totally non-American non-fugitive about whom there was nothing sketchy to report.

Knight, for what it’s worth, cut a ridiculous figure, dressing like some stage play version of a posh, mid-century British dandy, complete with tweed suits, pocket watches, and talk about his love of Queen and Empire and all of that. He made no effort to keep a low profile, either, as people all over his neighborhood and around town recall speaking to him and listening to his often fantastic claims. They also noted that he’d pronounce certain words wrong — in an American style, don’t you know — and that he did not know certain mundane, day-to-day things that all English people would know about but which Americans likely had no reason to know. Stuff like coronation chicken for example.

Eventually American authorities confirmed that Alahverdian’s death was faked. The fact that Knight happened to have the same distinctive arm tattoos as Alahverdian sealed the deal, though there were other strong suggestions. My favorite being that, some time after Alahverdian’s alleged death, a woman claiming to be his widow in England called a priest in Rhode Island requesting that a funeral mass be said for him. The priest was warned off of doing so by law enforcement who at this point were certain that Alahverdian had faked his death. The priest later told them that the 'woman' he spoke to sounded like Hyacinth Bucket from the British sitcom “Keeping Up Appearances,” with “a very high-pitched English woman's accent.” Police believe that the caller was Alahverdian using a device to alter his voice. No word if he said “it’s ‘Bouquet!’”

Knight/Alahverdian was arrested but made bail pending extradition. During that time he continued to maintain — loudly — that he was not Alahverdian and that he was a victim of persecution and injustice. And when I say “loudly” I mean he contacted The Times in an effort to advance his claims of innocence, inviting a reporter and a camera crew into his home where he made at times tearful, at times angry, and at all times dramatic claims that he was Knight. It was all for naught, however. Alahverdian was eventually extradited and now sits in a Utah prison awaiting trail for rape and many other charges.

There are lots of places to read or watch more about Alahverdian on the internet — he’s been something of a grotesque sensation since he was initially found out back in 2022 — and he has an extensive but at times confusing Wikipedia page about him, but on Sunday the Times reporter who Alahverdian/Knight invited into his home published his story about the affair. Next week UK Channel 4 will air a documentary about the case called “Imposter: The Man Who Came Back from the Dead.” I’ll definitely be firing up the old VPN for that.

I’m a little concerned that the more stories are written about him and the more video segments are produced that he’ll turn into some sort of amusing folk hero which, in turn, would cause people to lose sight of the fact that he has committed horrendous crimes of abuse and sexual violence, among other things. But I’m not gonna lie: I’ve been fascinated with this story ever since I saw the first video of this whack job last year. I am fascinated with the intersection of what I suspect is psychopathy, narcissistic personality disorder, obliviousness, and the most gigantic set of cajones in the Western Hemisphere. It’s also worth noting, at least from what truthful things that can be divined from his life story, that he’s a product of a horrible and abusive youth mental health system in Rhode Island, of which he was a ward for much of his childhood. There’s a lot going on here.

Ultimately, I hope Alahverdian spends the rest of his life in prison, but I’d also be the first in line to read a proper, well-reported book about him, because oh man this story is something.

Look . . .

I’m not above a frozen pizza now and again, but it’s a goddamn atrocity that Wirecutter did a whole thing on frozen pizzas, recommending like a half dozen or more in various categories, yet there is no mention whatsoever of Fox Deluxe. Maybe they’re not what the swells who splurge on DiGiorno Rising Crust or Screamin’ Sicilian consider good eatin’, but folks, you can buy ‘em for like 99 cents, put a couple dozen in the freezer, and never be lackin’ in snackin’, I tell you what.

[Editor: Craig, is this one of those situations in which you’re reverting back to your West Virginia childhood? Because I don’t think anyone has seen a Fox Deluxe pizza in the wild in like 30 years.]

Can’t hear you, I’m too busy preheating the oven and enjoying a Big K cola while I wait for “120 Minutes” to come on. I love Kevin Seal! He’s so funny! Oh, and be quiet, my parents are asleep.

Have a great day everyone.

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